SHORT FILM: “YES, WE SERVE THE DEAD”

SHORT FILM: “YES, WE SERVE THE DEAD”

A comedy about the first day of the January Sales at, Croydon Branch,

‘Dead But Not Buried Haberdasheries’; a large chain shop that sells

tools/trinkets/treats for all your undead needs. A self contained

short about surviving a day where people are, literally; dying for a

deal.

 

Inside the store are the sales and management staff, all normal

board/stressed/underachieving etc humans. Outside are throngs of

zombies, clamouring at the windows (Ala Dawn of the Dead) and doors to

the store, groaning with hungry dead eyes staring inwards; crushing

one another just to get in.

 

The zombies outside move and act like ‘normal undead’, shuffling and

with restricted movements; but they are all clamouring for a bargain.

Once inside the store the sales staffs are on them like locusts trying

to sell this undead throng items they may not want but are on sale; up

selling, exaggerating the ingenuity of an item and offering store

credit cards. The zombies, though holding off normal tendencies to

chow down on cornered humans occasionally attempt to eat a sales clerk

but are quickly reprimanded by security and reminded they are there to

buy; not bite.

 

The store is decked out in sales regalia, with the management

employing first day of sales gimmicks like face painters for child

zombies (have your face look like a delicious human, just remember to

wash it off when you leave the store). Dedicated door people, dressed

in riot gear who hand out ‘goody bags’ for the first 100 zombies

through the door. Blaring Muzac

 

 

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Later throughout the short, there are random ‘price slashing’ where

the management grab the zombies attention and then use machetes to

chop some of their sales banners in half and slap up discounted

banners over the items being lowered in price.

 

One shot, close to the end, of a zombie at the front of a queue and

their credit card is declined, camera pans along the zombies in the

queue as they roll their eyes (one tries to bite another zombie in the

line and is quickly slapped on the head by a sales clerk who gives him

a disapproving stare)

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Start Scene:

Onside store, sales staff role call meeting as the clerks line up

facing the front doors. The manager walks up and down the line of

sales assistants talking through his principles of helpful retail

employee and sales targets. All the while outside, in clear view of

the staff lined up facing the front doors, zombies start to amass

outside; their groans get louder and louder the more that appear.

 

The staffs are clearly becoming more and more frightened, shuffling

back inches after certain loud noises or zombies slam against the

glass windows, the bigger the crowd becomes in the front exit.

 

After a while the manager stops his pacing and pep talk and walks to

the front doors, MUSIC BUILDS, fiddling with his keys as he goes. He

nods to the security people dressed in riot gear who are handing out

the ‘goody bags’; and opens the door. Zombies flood in, rushing past

him; like water from a broken dam; he turns and shouts to the crowds

still outside “First day of sales Ladies and Gents; bargains galore to

be had. We have Face paints on the first floor and don’t forget to

keep a hold of your receipt for the online raffle; you could win

yourself a blow-up Romero doll”.

 

Seeing the swathes of un-dead heading towards them the sales staff

sluggishly step towards the shuffling throng, offering any assistance

to any zombies standing still lnog enough; helping them in finding

what they need.

 

-MONTAGE OF FRENETIC SHOPPING AND ZOMBIE MALARKEY-

 

End scene:

The last few Zombies are ushered out by the security people dressed in

riot gear (using riot shields in a roman legion line) and the doors

are closed, outside the zombies are still clambering to get back in

(though now either covered in face paint or holding shopping bags,

some ripping open)

 

The shop is in disarray and the manager get the staff into another

line up and do a head count of the living clerks. Congratulates them

and tells them to rest up for tomorrow’s day of sales. The line-up

sighs in exhausted unison.